press release - Kings Have Long Arms

Kings Have Long Arms a.k.a. Adrian Flanagan was born on a park bench in Salford, during a five-a-side football match during the heatwave of 1975. "Me mother's brow was being mopped by the linesman, while the referee and one of the midfielders held mams legs... I was born into the public eye!!". Adrian's earliest memory was staying in the grand hotel in Manchester, where his grandmother lived and worked as a chambermaid... "(censored - a famous 70's British popstar) was staying in the hotel and asked my gran if she would do his laundry for him. She agreed and brought Mr Rock On's shirts and stuff back to her room to wash. I remember he had a load of underpants with pictures of naked ladies on 'em... my gran didn't say anything... she just washed and dried his laundry, took his freshly cleaned clothes back to his room, then came back to her room with a cowboy hat that he had given her as a present. My gran, who lived on the 7th floor of the hotel, walked over to the window, opened it and launched this stetson out of the window. My gran turned to me and said "Adrian... that man is a pervert"... After leaving school, Adrian formed his first band "Gay Village Security Firm" which split up after doing their first gig at Salford Conservative club... "We did a thirty minute version of 'Its Now Or Never', I played a Bontempi keyboard and sang. I had someone playing a tea chest and someone else playing a nose flute... we rocked but the audience, made up of psychopathic bingo maniacs, were throwing bottles, pint pots, all sorts. The nose flute player got hit with some false teeth". After his first gig Mr Long Arms travelled around Europe, busking around Amsterdam strip joints, Berlin cabaret bars and yodelling in Saltzburg... "I played in a club in Amsterdam called Bannen bar, I was doing this acoustic set on this revolving stage and half way through my set these naked lasses would come onstage throwing bananas in to the audience, then whoever caught the fruit would have a sex act performed on 'em. I'll tell you I didn't know where to look!!?" On returning back to Salford, Long Arms decided to move to Sheffield, "because like Salford it began with an S". This is where he met eccentric beat duo I, Monster, who kidnapped Long Arms and put him in their studio with 900mg of Viagra, two bottles of red, a beat box and a load of vintage synthesizers... two hours later Long Arms emerged from the studio with his debut release for I, Monster's label (Twins Of Evil) - the quite special "Rock 'n' Roll Is Dead/Prince Shops At Bardwells"... which got nothing but praise from music press, style mags and gardeners question time, even uber trendy DJ's such as David Holmes and Coldcut have been known to drop this vital vinyl during their recent sets... "Kings Have Long Arms are dope" said Dre. A few months back Long Arms noticed that some guys were making illegal copies of Rock 'n' Roll is dead on their website, offering it out as a free mp3... Long Arms took these mofo's to court and sued. These guys ran a dodgy electro label called Uncharted Audio, they got two months community service cleaning graffiti in Hackney and were ordered to release a limited edition single by Kings Have Long Arms. It looked like those chancers at Uncharted Audio had well and truly fallen on their feet with this release from the Kingster - an electro fucking smash - "Re-enter The Two Tone Deaf", a Ricky Martin-baiting slice of genius, mixed by Dean Honer (I, Monster/All Seeing I) and the madcap "Rambo's Bullworker", co-written and produced with Ross Orton of the Fat Truckers, which is the Sex Pistols having a 130mph head-on collision with Cabaret Voltaire, very dirty and not for the faint hearted. Kings Have Long Arms are now in the building, and he's up to no good..... Rob Dillon, June 2002

release:Kings Have Long Arms
label: Uncharted Audio